I woke up to a chock. The note I had left had been moved, and the place where Daisuke had fallen asleep was empty. He wasn’t here. Panic started to rush through me and I had to swallow the urge to scream. Had he just left? I frantically sprinted to the door, checking if it was still locked. I took in the door handle, and the door slipped from it’s frame. The locked had been open. Daisuke might very well had just run off.
Further panic started to take over, and hadn’t it been for whatever small dose of rationality in my brain, I would have run around the whole hospital screaming for him. Thank god for slight reamining reason in my mind! I started to move toward the canteen, when a tall boy took a turn and walked toward me. My state was severer and I couldn’t see clear, it wasn’t until I came closer I could see it was Daisuke…
“Thank god”
I felt my knees collapse under me. Stress wasn’t something my mind could handle well. Panic attacks this intense was too much for my already chaotic mind. For a moment I was completely empty.
“What’s happening? Are you okay!? Do you need a doctor!?”
I looked up. Daisukes arms were filled with all sorts of different type of breakfast. It wasn’t from the hospital. Delicious pastries, fried eggs, toast, coffee. I was surprised.
“Did you.. just went out for breakfast?”
He looked confused at me.
“I shouldn’t have? I thought I could get back in time before you woke up and surprise you… to thank you… for last night… But the line at the baker was longer than I had planned and…”
He stopped and I realized tears was dripping down my face. Surprised I wiped away the driblets and tried to get my composure together.
“Eh, oh. Damn… Sorry.”
Daisuke looked completely startled. It was as if he had no idea what to do. Like seeing a worried new mother, who didn’t know what to do with her infant.
Thinking of that relation made me laugh… I laughed while my tears still flooded and the poor boy seems even more puzzled than before.
“It… hahaa… It’s okay” I tried to say between my laugh.
He smiled awkwardly at me and laughed quitely with me. Before we made an even bigger scene, we listed off to my room. I was surprised no one had caught me last night. It was a miracle.
We laid out all of the food out on the broad windowsill while sitting on each end. We watched the scenery as Daisuke opened up for the goodies he had brought.
“Itadakimasu!” We said in choir and laughed. I stuffed my face pretty quickly and noticed that Daisuke stared at me in awestuck.
“I have never seen a woman attacking her food like that” He tried to chuckle a laugh, but it was clear he was about to explode out in giggles.
“’scuse me for being hungry!” I said with my mouth full of food… Charming.
“Pfftt.. What a pretty sight!” He couldn’t hold it in any longer and stopped making any effort in laughing.
“Thanks. For the food”
“It’s okay. Thanks for the sandwhich last night, though I had fallen asleep. I hadn’t slept for 2 days, so I was completely a mess. And sorry for barging in so late … and stay… I’m sorry”
He avoided my eyes again. Not because he was dishonest, but really embarrassed. His cheek flushed and he tried to cover his face with his free hand.
“No need for an apology! I’m just glad you’re not hurt.. I mean, like in danger, or.. You know what I mean. I’m just glad you’re here. When Aya and Isumi told me they hadn’t seen you, and when you ignore my texts and calls, I started to worry you know… So I was just glad you showed up.. And its perfectly okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but.. You know.. I’m here to listen if you want and…”
He had placed his finger on my mouth to stop me from talking. I could probably had blabbered for an hour. I tended to do that when I didn’t know how far I was allowed to go.
“Thanks. It’s okay. I want to tell you… At another time. Okay? Let’s just enjoy the meal”
I found his smile seductive. Daisuke could be extremely sexy when he was honest and straigh forward. Something about him had always drawn me toward him, but never like this right now. I could have kissed him. I’m positive he could have done anything to me, he wanted in that moment.
The door to my room clicked open and I snapped out of my daze… In the the door stood Kouro, looking quite upset with a deep frown and a killer stare - not toward me but toward Daisuke. What was going on?
The Shattered Image
lørdag den 6. juni 2015
lørdag den 16. maj 2015
The shattered image - ch 19: It starts now
“Close your eyes and listen to my voice. My voice is the only thing in your head. Lay still and open your mind. We are at the beginning. The beginning is where?”
“On a operation table with two men in white coats, but it’s hazy.”
“What’s your clearest first memory?”
“My first day in the Tsukinos house. I was confused and everything was so overwhelming, I did nothing but cry that day”
“What happens if you think of the moment before you entered the house?”
“I’m in a car. With an adult, she’s the one whom have informed me what was going to happened as I was hospitalized”
“Can you remember the hospital?”
“Barely.”
“Is the two men in white coats from that hospital?”
“I don’t remember their faces...”
The session with the Psychiatric was long and seemingly unsuccessful. Whenever I tried to remember my mind went blank. I didn’t know why maybe I was too eager to make this work.
It had been a week since I started these daily sessions, I was still hospitalized due to the stress factor of these sessions. Aya and Isumi had come by many times, almost everyday and we had gotten really close. They bought me notes and homework, as well as new things they had discovered, like stores sweets and whatnot. It was like I had been to school everyday. They didn’t leave out any details. Aya, whom usually was straight forward and bold, didn’t ask about anything. I had prepared myself for an over flood of questions, but neither of them had asked me anything. Daisuke hadn’t been by and apparently neither Aya nor Isumi had seen Daisuke since the day I was hospitalized. He hadn’t texted me after I collapsed. I began to wonder what had happened to him. Given his past, I was rather worried. Kaoru had been by several times and offered me to “help regain my memory”. Kaoru was the only one whom knew the details about me. He talked about all sorts of things from our childhood together, he never mentioned anything about my parents since the Psychiatric had said it was too much to go through at this point.
It had been a week since I started these daily sessions, I was still hospitalized due to the stress factor of these sessions. Aya and Isumi had come by many times, almost everyday and we had gotten really close. They bought me notes and homework, as well as new things they had discovered, like stores sweets and whatnot. It was like I had been to school everyday. They didn’t leave out any details. Aya, whom usually was straight forward and bold, didn’t ask about anything. I had prepared myself for an over flood of questions, but neither of them had asked me anything. Daisuke hadn’t been by and apparently neither Aya nor Isumi had seen Daisuke since the day I was hospitalized. He hadn’t texted me after I collapsed. I began to wonder what had happened to him. Given his past, I was rather worried. Kaoru had been by several times and offered me to “help regain my memory”. Kaoru was the only one whom knew the details about me. He talked about all sorts of things from our childhood together, he never mentioned anything about my parents since the Psychiatric had said it was too much to go through at this point.
Tomorrow I would be released, and start school again on monday. It was nice that I had the weekend to adjust being back home. It was going to be nice having people around me often again. Even though my friends and family took turns visitng me, it was only a couple of hours everyday. Most of the time I was left alone in my hospital room since it was a single. I was getting lonly these last past days.
“I don’t think we will get any further today Miss Tsukino. Sorry it got so late.”
I looked up at the clock. 7 PM, I was going to eat dinner late today.
“It’s okay”
I left the room. As I walked up the corridor I saw the door to my room slightly open and the light was on. I hurried toward the room and peeped inside. Daisuke was sitting on my bed holding a seemingly dying bouquet.
“Daisuke?” I called him. He turned his face toward me. He was pale, slightly bruised on his left cheek. The one thing that caught most of my attention was his eyes, they were so empty.
“W-What happened?”
He was now looking me in the eyes as he forced on a smile, tears started to fall down his cheeks.
“I don’t know how to go from here”
He dropped the vulnerable bouquet, and most of the flower penetals didn’t survive the fall. He covered his eyes with his hands and started to bend forward, placing his elbows on his knees.
“Where am I supposed to go from here?”
I ran toward him and embraced his curled up body. I led him cry out his heart in my arm, while every single sob broke my heart even further.
I stroke his blonde hair, which was missing its usually wax to make it spiky. It was soft and easy to let my fingers run through. I let my hand slight down to his back to rub it. He was thin, and his spine was visible in his shirt.
I started to bend down to see him in the eyes. I laid my hand on his hand which he was covering his face with. He let his hand twist in with mine while covering both eyes with the back of his other hand. We stood like that for a while holding hands. When he finally calmed down, I reached out for his other hand covering his eyes to try and removed it from his face, but he seemingly didn’t want me to see his crying face.
“It’s okay. I wont mind. Please look at me” my voice was as tender as I could make it.
Slowly he removed his hand, avoiding eye contact. I saw his bruises more clearly now, it was clear he had been in a fight. I wasn’t going to questioning him at this point. His mind was unstable and he was broken to the point that he no longer knew what to do. I didn’t want to push him in this state.
“There we go.” Though his eyes wasn’t going to look at mine I still smiled to him. I looked up at the clock. It was already 9 PM. For nearly 2 hours nothing had been said between us.
“Would you like some dinner?”
He looked briefly at me but then looked away again.
“I’m not sure... That I’m hungry”
I smiled “I will fetch you a bit, and go get more if youre more hungry”
I walked toward the door of my room, and just before leaving I looked back at him. He was watching me, still avoiding eye contact.
“Thanks” he mumbled
“No problem!”
I rushed off to the kitchen. I was anxious he was going to leave not letting me know. At this hour they only had sandwiches stored in the fridge. I grabbed two with chicken and bacon, I had no idea what Daisuke liked. Maybe it would be safer to grab two different? I changed one of the sandwiches with an eggsalad one. Then I ran off to my room, beggin he hadn’t left. When I opened the door to my room, Daisuke had collapsed on my bed. Only filling up very little of the bad he slept on his side. Crying for so long must have exhausted him. I smiled, relieved he hadn’t left. Whatever his case was, it had been devastating. I cleaned up the flowers as silent as I could and rescued those of them which hadn’t gone completely bad. I put them in a vase and started to eat my sandwich. I watched Daisuke sleeping peacefully, it didn’t seem like whatever he had just experienced was haunting him in his sleep.
Time pasted and I finished my meal. Afraid of getting to sleep, worrying he might just take off in the morning, I wrote him a short letter saying “Please don’t leave without me knowing”. I hoped that would stop him from just getting up and go. As I got ready I realized I would have to sleep in the same bed as him... I felt a little embarrassed and couldn’t help but think of it as some sort of crime. Sneaking in a boy and sleep in the same bed as him. I decided to lock my door, just in case some nurse would barged in, though they hadn’t done so since I was hospitalized.
Well, this was a emergancy situation. Daisuke didn’t know where to go, and he seemed so hurt I couldn’t just let him be by himself. I took a deep breath and crawled in bed with him, trying to grap the blanket he had fallen asleep on to cover us both without him waking up. What a complicated mission! But I succeed. He slept tight and as soon as my head laid on the pillow I felt the tiredness wash over me.
The last thing on my mind was Daisuke, and that night I dreamed of him as I knew him. Happy and full of life. I hoped to see him smile like that again.
“I don’t think we will get any further today Miss Tsukino. Sorry it got so late.”
I looked up at the clock. 7 PM, I was going to eat dinner late today.
“It’s okay”
I left the room. As I walked up the corridor I saw the door to my room slightly open and the light was on. I hurried toward the room and peeped inside. Daisuke was sitting on my bed holding a seemingly dying bouquet.
“Daisuke?” I called him. He turned his face toward me. He was pale, slightly bruised on his left cheek. The one thing that caught most of my attention was his eyes, they were so empty.
“W-What happened?”
He was now looking me in the eyes as he forced on a smile, tears started to fall down his cheeks.
“I don’t know how to go from here”
He dropped the vulnerable bouquet, and most of the flower penetals didn’t survive the fall. He covered his eyes with his hands and started to bend forward, placing his elbows on his knees.
“Where am I supposed to go from here?”
I ran toward him and embraced his curled up body. I led him cry out his heart in my arm, while every single sob broke my heart even further.
I stroke his blonde hair, which was missing its usually wax to make it spiky. It was soft and easy to let my fingers run through. I let my hand slight down to his back to rub it. He was thin, and his spine was visible in his shirt.
I started to bend down to see him in the eyes. I laid my hand on his hand which he was covering his face with. He let his hand twist in with mine while covering both eyes with the back of his other hand. We stood like that for a while holding hands. When he finally calmed down, I reached out for his other hand covering his eyes to try and removed it from his face, but he seemingly didn’t want me to see his crying face.
“It’s okay. I wont mind. Please look at me” my voice was as tender as I could make it.
Slowly he removed his hand, avoiding eye contact. I saw his bruises more clearly now, it was clear he had been in a fight. I wasn’t going to questioning him at this point. His mind was unstable and he was broken to the point that he no longer knew what to do. I didn’t want to push him in this state.
“There we go.” Though his eyes wasn’t going to look at mine I still smiled to him. I looked up at the clock. It was already 9 PM. For nearly 2 hours nothing had been said between us.
“Would you like some dinner?”
He looked briefly at me but then looked away again.
“I’m not sure... That I’m hungry”
I smiled “I will fetch you a bit, and go get more if youre more hungry”
I walked toward the door of my room, and just before leaving I looked back at him. He was watching me, still avoiding eye contact.
“Thanks” he mumbled
“No problem!”
I rushed off to the kitchen. I was anxious he was going to leave not letting me know. At this hour they only had sandwiches stored in the fridge. I grabbed two with chicken and bacon, I had no idea what Daisuke liked. Maybe it would be safer to grab two different? I changed one of the sandwiches with an eggsalad one. Then I ran off to my room, beggin he hadn’t left. When I opened the door to my room, Daisuke had collapsed on my bed. Only filling up very little of the bad he slept on his side. Crying for so long must have exhausted him. I smiled, relieved he hadn’t left. Whatever his case was, it had been devastating. I cleaned up the flowers as silent as I could and rescued those of them which hadn’t gone completely bad. I put them in a vase and started to eat my sandwich. I watched Daisuke sleeping peacefully, it didn’t seem like whatever he had just experienced was haunting him in his sleep.
Time pasted and I finished my meal. Afraid of getting to sleep, worrying he might just take off in the morning, I wrote him a short letter saying “Please don’t leave without me knowing”. I hoped that would stop him from just getting up and go. As I got ready I realized I would have to sleep in the same bed as him... I felt a little embarrassed and couldn’t help but think of it as some sort of crime. Sneaking in a boy and sleep in the same bed as him. I decided to lock my door, just in case some nurse would barged in, though they hadn’t done so since I was hospitalized.
Well, this was a emergancy situation. Daisuke didn’t know where to go, and he seemed so hurt I couldn’t just let him be by himself. I took a deep breath and crawled in bed with him, trying to grap the blanket he had fallen asleep on to cover us both without him waking up. What a complicated mission! But I succeed. He slept tight and as soon as my head laid on the pillow I felt the tiredness wash over me.
The last thing on my mind was Daisuke, and that night I dreamed of him as I knew him. Happy and full of life. I hoped to see him smile like that again.
lørdag den 9. maj 2015
The shattered image - Ch 18. The settling.
I kept having nightmares that night. Hour after hour I would wake up from one theory to another on how I had come to loose my memory. It was everything from car crash to alien abduction. Yep. Pretty much everything. I woke up feeling exhausted, confused and kind of amused by my brains many odd ideas. Though I was pretty tired from the lack of uninterrupted sleep, I felt much better than yesterday. I was still set on getting to know my past life, and I was going to do it regardless of what others had to say. I wanted to know my parents and myself. When you suddenly loose your memories, you loose your identity. You loose your confidence, your previous likes and dislikes. Its like you don't know yourself. You're like a stranger. Regardless of my effort of creating a new me, it still felt wrong. Like a whole part of me was missing.
I sat up in bed. I was going to go through with whatever rehabilitation they thought I needed, then I would go back to school, perfectly determined. I didn't care what they thought. I didn't care what my mother thought. At some point I had to be exposed to the world. I couldn't be locked indoor forever, I would have to at some point taking part in society, the sooner the better. And I couldnt live in this bliss forever. I had to know what my mind was keeping me from.
My mother entered the room at that point, seeing me smirk to myself. She laughed out loud. "Jesus christ, you just passed out yesterday and here you are looking all happy!". "Well, I wont let this beat me!". Her facial expression changed. I knew what was comming next. "I beat you to it" I said looking out the window, trying to smile slightly. I turned my head toward her again and she looked confused and kinda of anxious. "I heard you talking with Kouro. I know you're not happy about me passing out, and stuff. And I know that all you want to do is to care for me. That's what a mother do and I am indeed grateful for that." I took a deep breath as she listened to me closely. "...But I'm not going to drop out of school. I have been thinking about it, and sooner or later I'll have to join society. I might as well do it now, before it gets too difficult. I think I'm ready to meet whatever life will throw at me." I paused. The next sentenced would scare her, maybe even break her heart. "I want to know my past life." She changed from looking interested to surprised and then incredible angry. She stopped herself from speaking, then looked across me to observe the outside. The sky was mildly cloudly but through clouds the sun was peaking every now and then. It looked nice.
"Haruka..." She began. "I understand that you're soon 16. You're still a child but I also think that you think things through well. You're not a reckless person, and I guess I'm just overprotecting. Your dad told me yesterday that I will have to treat you like an adult, since you're practical one in 2 years. I know you still need our guidance, and I need to let you go little by little..." tears streamed down her face, and my heart ached badly, but this was needed. I silently watched her, as she fought to clear her voice and continue. "Haruka... I would advise against you digging through your mind, but I also know that you have to know at some point. I would rather have you know it while we're around to help you, than when you have created a life of your own."
I was surprised. I hadn't thought she was going to agree to this so quickly.
"Thank you for understanding" I smiled at her, and got up. I walked toward her and grabbed her in my arms. I hugged her tightly and she hugged me back in a firm grip. I didn't care what was going to show up in my mind. This would always be my home, and my current parents would always be real parents to me.
A tight lump began to form in my chest, and it was as if my neck started twisting. My body started to stir up and anxiety slowly spread through my body. Just what was I going to go through?
I sat up in bed. I was going to go through with whatever rehabilitation they thought I needed, then I would go back to school, perfectly determined. I didn't care what they thought. I didn't care what my mother thought. At some point I had to be exposed to the world. I couldn't be locked indoor forever, I would have to at some point taking part in society, the sooner the better. And I couldnt live in this bliss forever. I had to know what my mind was keeping me from.
My mother entered the room at that point, seeing me smirk to myself. She laughed out loud. "Jesus christ, you just passed out yesterday and here you are looking all happy!". "Well, I wont let this beat me!". Her facial expression changed. I knew what was comming next. "I beat you to it" I said looking out the window, trying to smile slightly. I turned my head toward her again and she looked confused and kinda of anxious. "I heard you talking with Kouro. I know you're not happy about me passing out, and stuff. And I know that all you want to do is to care for me. That's what a mother do and I am indeed grateful for that." I took a deep breath as she listened to me closely. "...But I'm not going to drop out of school. I have been thinking about it, and sooner or later I'll have to join society. I might as well do it now, before it gets too difficult. I think I'm ready to meet whatever life will throw at me." I paused. The next sentenced would scare her, maybe even break her heart. "I want to know my past life." She changed from looking interested to surprised and then incredible angry. She stopped herself from speaking, then looked across me to observe the outside. The sky was mildly cloudly but through clouds the sun was peaking every now and then. It looked nice.
"Haruka..." She began. "I understand that you're soon 16. You're still a child but I also think that you think things through well. You're not a reckless person, and I guess I'm just overprotecting. Your dad told me yesterday that I will have to treat you like an adult, since you're practical one in 2 years. I know you still need our guidance, and I need to let you go little by little..." tears streamed down her face, and my heart ached badly, but this was needed. I silently watched her, as she fought to clear her voice and continue. "Haruka... I would advise against you digging through your mind, but I also know that you have to know at some point. I would rather have you know it while we're around to help you, than when you have created a life of your own."
I was surprised. I hadn't thought she was going to agree to this so quickly.
"Thank you for understanding" I smiled at her, and got up. I walked toward her and grabbed her in my arms. I hugged her tightly and she hugged me back in a firm grip. I didn't care what was going to show up in my mind. This would always be my home, and my current parents would always be real parents to me.
A tight lump began to form in my chest, and it was as if my neck started twisting. My body started to stir up and anxiety slowly spread through my body. Just what was I going to go through?
lørdag den 4. april 2015
Randomness #3
This world is so ignorant. It doesn't see what is right beside it, and if they, against all expectations, should notice they write it off as "stories" "legends" "myths"or whatever. They even go as far as call their own kind for "crazy" "mental ill" or just plain "hallucinating". How can human deny what's right in front of them? Do you honestly believe that the world is made up by biological (human-logic) creatures? Is the fire spitting dragon a myth? Do you honestly believe that blood sucking creatures in human forms are bed time horror stories? You accept the fact that a blood sucking bat is sucking blood for a living, but as soon as it takes human form, you're in denial?
Is it because it's not commonly seen? Please... You're insulting them. They have intelligent, they know as far as any human, that to reveal your hunt is born to bring no prey.
Are you letting the deer know before you shoot?
We are masters of disguise. We know how to hide. We know how to blend.
Demons, withes, vampires, werewolves, living death, you name it. We exist. You're so ignorant that you look the other way, but it's only for our convenience.
Physic, universe, 'weird phenomenal', legends, and what not. Keep it up. We only benefit.
heaven, hell, it's not myth. angles, gods, they ain't lies. Dens, caves, sorry it's not only the bear that lie in wait.
There's a whole universe of creatures, how could you possible think that you were alone?
Is it because it's not commonly seen? Please... You're insulting them. They have intelligent, they know as far as any human, that to reveal your hunt is born to bring no prey.
Are you letting the deer know before you shoot?
We are masters of disguise. We know how to hide. We know how to blend.
Demons, withes, vampires, werewolves, living death, you name it. We exist. You're so ignorant that you look the other way, but it's only for our convenience.
Physic, universe, 'weird phenomenal', legends, and what not. Keep it up. We only benefit.
heaven, hell, it's not myth. angles, gods, they ain't lies. Dens, caves, sorry it's not only the bear that lie in wait.
There's a whole universe of creatures, how could you possible think that you were alone?
torsdag den 2. april 2015
Shattered image - ch 17. Forbidden knowledge
I woke up still dazed in the white hospital room. I was alone. My memory was hazy from the drugs, I couldn't remember my thoughts from before. It made my mind feel blank and puzzled. Somehow I had a lingering feeling from a wish or a need that I had before I fell asleep. Like when you walk into a room and forget what you needed, that lingering feeling that something was needed, yet I can't remember what.
Still blurred I closed my eyes to relax my mind, using energy on processing the images from vision was exhausting. How I felt like an old lady ready to bite the dust. The door opened to my room, yet I was too exhausted to open my eyes. The sounds of step was recognizable, my mothers way to walk had given her away. Then I heard another pair of steps. Steps I didn't recognize. The voices where low, but just loud enough to make words out of them.
"Let's talk in here" my mother said in a serious tone.
No answer, I guessed the other party would have nodded.
"You can't tell Haruka about your childhood together. I'm afraid it will trigger more seizures, and to be honest I'm not sure how much more her mind can take. At this point I'm ready to have her home schooled again"
Home schooled? She would take me out of school?
all through middle school I would have had been home taught every subjects needed to enter a high school. I would had been taught social skills, and proper etiquette, all the small things that I had forgotten I would have had relearned. I had been living like a wild child, adopted by foreign people.
I refused to spend another three years indoor far away from everything. I had finally made friends, all by myself. On this short week that I had been living high school life, taught myself social interaction, gone through conversation that nothing but the real deal could teach me. I had discovered so much on my own. I will protest against it with my life.
"But I know Haruka would refuse to do so, and honestly I want her to be able to function like a normal teenager. Which is why I would have to ask to either stay away from her, or to treat her as a new friend. The Haruka that you used to know is gone. You have to look at her as if you just met a stranger."
I realized know whom she was talking to. I imagined Kaoru standing in front of her, taking in all this. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He must feel awful, knowing that I'm no longer a childhood friend but a stranger. It hurted be deeply that there was no other way, but I agreed with my mother on this one... He would have to get to know me as a new person.
"I understand Tsukino-san. Seeing her like this gave me a scare. I don't want her to remember something that cause this much pain. Her biological parent's wouldn't want that for her either. Considered what brutal incident they went through, I want their daughter to at least be able to forget"
I couldn't help but feel I should't have heard that. Brutal incident? Like a horrible accident? Though I wished that was the truth, something within me stirred up. I felt as if it was something far worse than anything I could imagine. My mind was conflicted, with feeling of wanting to know and the fear of knowing.
I decided that I couldn't leave it be just yet.
To have such an amazing childhood friend whom valued my parents, it could only mean that they had been good parents. That i shouldn't fear any bad childhood.
I realized my parents must have been nice people. People whom only deserved to be remembered. I have made up my mind.
I want to know the truth.
Still blurred I closed my eyes to relax my mind, using energy on processing the images from vision was exhausting. How I felt like an old lady ready to bite the dust. The door opened to my room, yet I was too exhausted to open my eyes. The sounds of step was recognizable, my mothers way to walk had given her away. Then I heard another pair of steps. Steps I didn't recognize. The voices where low, but just loud enough to make words out of them.
"Let's talk in here" my mother said in a serious tone.
No answer, I guessed the other party would have nodded.
"You can't tell Haruka about your childhood together. I'm afraid it will trigger more seizures, and to be honest I'm not sure how much more her mind can take. At this point I'm ready to have her home schooled again"
Home schooled? She would take me out of school?
all through middle school I would have had been home taught every subjects needed to enter a high school. I would had been taught social skills, and proper etiquette, all the small things that I had forgotten I would have had relearned. I had been living like a wild child, adopted by foreign people.
I refused to spend another three years indoor far away from everything. I had finally made friends, all by myself. On this short week that I had been living high school life, taught myself social interaction, gone through conversation that nothing but the real deal could teach me. I had discovered so much on my own. I will protest against it with my life.
"But I know Haruka would refuse to do so, and honestly I want her to be able to function like a normal teenager. Which is why I would have to ask to either stay away from her, or to treat her as a new friend. The Haruka that you used to know is gone. You have to look at her as if you just met a stranger."
I realized know whom she was talking to. I imagined Kaoru standing in front of her, taking in all this. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He must feel awful, knowing that I'm no longer a childhood friend but a stranger. It hurted be deeply that there was no other way, but I agreed with my mother on this one... He would have to get to know me as a new person.
"I understand Tsukino-san. Seeing her like this gave me a scare. I don't want her to remember something that cause this much pain. Her biological parent's wouldn't want that for her either. Considered what brutal incident they went through, I want their daughter to at least be able to forget"
I couldn't help but feel I should't have heard that. Brutal incident? Like a horrible accident? Though I wished that was the truth, something within me stirred up. I felt as if it was something far worse than anything I could imagine. My mind was conflicted, with feeling of wanting to know and the fear of knowing.
I decided that I couldn't leave it be just yet.
To have such an amazing childhood friend whom valued my parents, it could only mean that they had been good parents. That i shouldn't fear any bad childhood.
I realized my parents must have been nice people. People whom only deserved to be remembered. I have made up my mind.
I want to know the truth.
lørdag den 14. marts 2015
The shattered image - ch 16 Mysterious
Buried in my thoughts, Kaoru started to stir toward the door. He saw I had noticed his movement and mumbled "Your, eh parents, and nurse..." He turned his back toward me and walked through the door. I understood just how awkward this must be for him. To me he was a stranger before me and I was a long lost friend. Though I had been scared off by his sudden outburst about my parents, I couldn't help think just what had happened to them. Accident? But was it really?
Maybe a sudden case of craziness? It could very well be a reason for a cover up... God as long as it wasn't contagious!
I smiled to myself for having such outrageous thoughts cause surely this wasn't any laughing matter. What if it was even more tragic? Like murder?
My heart ached by that though, a severe pain stabbed in my chest.
The door to my room opened and I turned my head toward it. "Miss Tsukino? How are you feeling?"
A nurse peeped in through the door. Her hair was light brown, lips sparkling red. What a beautiful woman.
"Just tired is all.." Considering I had been out for 6 hours, it was kinda odd that I was tired. Not just tired I was actually exhausted. How come I only felt that now?
"It's because your mind is spinning"
"What?" As if she just had read my mind.
"Your exhausting. It's common to see with people passing out from overworking their brain. You probably just realized it now right?"
Wow at least I was normal on one thing - my body reaction.
"I've been filled in with your condition. A doctor will be here soon, in the meantime I will give you some with calming effect."
"Will it stop my mind from spinning?"
She chuckled "Well it will at least give it some rest. It will block some of the thoughts"
It wasn't long till the effect took in after the injection. For the first time in years my mind went blank, It was unbelievable soothing.
The nurse left and I was yet again alone in my room. The drugs kept my mind blank and my body's exhausting demanded some "optional rest". I cuddled myself underneath my blanket, keeping myself warm. Just as I was to close my eyes, a face appeared before me. I don't know if it was the drugs or the exhaustion, but the face was blurry and I couldn't make anything of it. My eyes closed in. I was unable to open them again as I had already given in. I wanted to figure out whom it was, but my mind was so cloudy that I couldn't collect my thoughts together. I felt my body dragging me further and further into complete relaxation till I finally had to give in and let me sleep.
Maybe, just maybe the person would be there when I woke up.....
Maybe a sudden case of craziness? It could very well be a reason for a cover up... God as long as it wasn't contagious!
I smiled to myself for having such outrageous thoughts cause surely this wasn't any laughing matter. What if it was even more tragic? Like murder?
My heart ached by that though, a severe pain stabbed in my chest.
The door to my room opened and I turned my head toward it. "Miss Tsukino? How are you feeling?"
A nurse peeped in through the door. Her hair was light brown, lips sparkling red. What a beautiful woman.
"Just tired is all.." Considering I had been out for 6 hours, it was kinda odd that I was tired. Not just tired I was actually exhausted. How come I only felt that now?
"It's because your mind is spinning"
"What?" As if she just had read my mind.
"Your exhausting. It's common to see with people passing out from overworking their brain. You probably just realized it now right?"
Wow at least I was normal on one thing - my body reaction.
"I've been filled in with your condition. A doctor will be here soon, in the meantime I will give you some with calming effect."
"Will it stop my mind from spinning?"
She chuckled "Well it will at least give it some rest. It will block some of the thoughts"
It wasn't long till the effect took in after the injection. For the first time in years my mind went blank, It was unbelievable soothing.
The nurse left and I was yet again alone in my room. The drugs kept my mind blank and my body's exhausting demanded some "optional rest". I cuddled myself underneath my blanket, keeping myself warm. Just as I was to close my eyes, a face appeared before me. I don't know if it was the drugs or the exhaustion, but the face was blurry and I couldn't make anything of it. My eyes closed in. I was unable to open them again as I had already given in. I wanted to figure out whom it was, but my mind was so cloudy that I couldn't collect my thoughts together. I felt my body dragging me further and further into complete relaxation till I finally had to give in and let me sleep.
Maybe, just maybe the person would be there when I woke up.....
torsdag den 12. marts 2015
Randomness #2
I sealed my heart away, hoping it would never kiss the surface again.
The door's locked with several bolts, lacks and chains - fearing it would ever peak outside.
All the darkness, the trauma, the torment. Everything is packed up in the sealed off corner of my mind. Shadows are leaking reminding me of the terror that once was, panic attacks and irrational thoughts are created from the steaming twilight that's flowing out underneath the steel door. Am I ever to open up for the room of this intimidating horror of my past?
Love and hate, happiness and sadness, good and bad... They all walk hand in hand. If one is removed, the other will as well and left is only emptiness. Nothing but a hollow feeling.
So... Am I to open up? Or live my life in this trivial protection?
The door's locked with several bolts, lacks and chains - fearing it would ever peak outside.
All the darkness, the trauma, the torment. Everything is packed up in the sealed off corner of my mind. Shadows are leaking reminding me of the terror that once was, panic attacks and irrational thoughts are created from the steaming twilight that's flowing out underneath the steel door. Am I ever to open up for the room of this intimidating horror of my past?
Love and hate, happiness and sadness, good and bad... They all walk hand in hand. If one is removed, the other will as well and left is only emptiness. Nothing but a hollow feeling.
So... Am I to open up? Or live my life in this trivial protection?
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