The shattered image - ch 16 Mysterious

Buried in my thoughts, Kaoru started to stir toward the door. He saw I had noticed his movement and mumbled "Your, eh parents, and nurse..." He turned his back toward me and walked through the door. I understood just how awkward this must be for him. To me he was a stranger before me and I was a long lost friend. Though I had been scared off by his sudden outburst about my parents, I couldn't help think just what had happened to them. Accident? But was it really?
Maybe a sudden case of craziness? It could very well be a reason for a cover up... God as long as it wasn't contagious!
I smiled to myself for having such outrageous thoughts cause surely this wasn't any laughing matter. What if it was even more tragic? Like murder?
My heart ached by that though, a severe pain stabbed in my chest.
The door to my room opened and I turned my head toward it. "Miss Tsukino? How are you feeling?"
A nurse peeped in through the door. Her hair was light brown, lips sparkling red. What a beautiful woman.
"Just tired is all.." Considering I had been out for 6 hours, it was kinda odd that I was tired. Not just tired I was actually exhausted. How come I only felt that now?
"It's because your mind is spinning"
"What?" As if she just had read my mind.
"Your exhausting. It's common to see with people passing out from overworking their brain. You probably just realized it now right?"
Wow at least I was normal on one thing - my body reaction.
"I've been filled in with your condition. A doctor will be here soon, in the meantime I will give you some with calming effect."
"Will it stop my mind from spinning?"
She chuckled "Well it will at least give it some rest. It will block some of the thoughts"
It wasn't long till the effect took in after the injection. For the first time in years my mind went blank, It was unbelievable soothing.

The nurse left and I was yet again alone in my room. The drugs kept my mind blank and my body's exhausting demanded some "optional rest". I cuddled myself underneath my blanket, keeping myself warm. Just as I was to close my eyes, a face appeared before me. I don't know if it was the drugs or the exhaustion, but the face was blurry and I couldn't make anything of it. My eyes closed in. I was unable to open them again as I had already given in. I wanted to figure out whom it was, but my mind was so cloudy that I couldn't collect my thoughts together. I felt my body dragging me further and further into complete relaxation till I finally had to give in and let me sleep.
Maybe, just maybe the person would be there when I woke up.....

Randomness #2

I sealed my heart away, hoping it would never kiss the surface again.
The door's locked with several bolts, lacks and chains - fearing it would ever peak outside.
All the darkness, the trauma, the torment. Everything is packed up in the sealed off corner of my mind. Shadows are leaking reminding me of the terror that once was, panic attacks and irrational thoughts are created from the steaming twilight that's flowing out underneath the steel door. Am I ever to open up for the room of this intimidating horror of my past?
Love and hate, happiness and sadness, good and bad... They all walk hand in hand. If one is removed, the other will as well and left is only emptiness. Nothing but a hollow feeling.

So... Am I to open up? Or live my life in this trivial protection?

Randomness part 1

**I decided to write short random 'stories'. It will be from whatever my mind is whirling on**

Will it ever get better? My anxiety that is... Will it forever to continue infuse my mind and make me tremble with frustration? Its making my mind weak, my thoughts unclear and my feelings unstable. Anxiety is... A overwhelming intense feeling of fear. Fear of... nothing, fears of ridiculous things.. Fears of my own kind in a way it's meaningless. How can one know it's not rational yet still experience anxiety? Where is the meaning in that? To know it's not real, to know it's ones mind playing tricks, to know it isn't like that - yet still feel like this? It's like my mind has it's own separated part of it where it unreasonable is feeling these intense fears, and the rest is watching from outside knowing this is not real.
Not real.

My fears... are not real.

As a shadow creeping up from the darkness, spreading, till it eventually infuses the light and left is nothing but black. Surrounded... by shadows, unable to see the light outside this bubble of darkness.
What is it, that makes this so hard to fight?
Is it my experience?
My invisible scars on my heart?
The never-ending voice in my head, telling me how I am a failure?

My mind is as a separated place, where uncertainty. knowledge and rationality lies, refusing to work together. To become one.
I am as splinted as a mirror in thousand pieces, each showing a different side.
What is this?